Monday, December 17, 2012


I never like cold weather. It makes me feel lonely. But then I'm here in a place where its cold most of the year. I can feel that we are slowly approaching the coldest part of the year - winter. I've experienced some snow twice and guess what? More to come!

I wonder if it will snow this Christmas for I haven't experienced a white Christmas. I had my mom buy a white Christmas tree. It was our first time to have at least a good Christmas tree at home for the holidays. 

I don't know how long can I take this loneliness I feel right now, but as the day goes by and as it gets colder, my loneliness is getting worst. I miss home.

Sunday, December 2, 2012


It all started around January of 2008. I was looking for a place to stay near school and work and he offered a place that's just walking distance from my school and about an hour away from work which is fine. We weren't that close yet at that time but he was nice enough to offer me that place. 

My main purpose of renting a place is to be closer to school and work although work did not went well for me so I decided to focus more on school. Aside from that, I also want to be on my own somehow at that time.

I struggled a bit on my own at first but I was able to somehow learn how to manage to be on my own at that time. My friend helped me to get through that process. Since we lived in the same house we became closer. We became good friends in spite of our differences.

I opened up to him. I told him a lot of things about myself that I prefer to keep to myself. We hangout a lot.

One night, a spin the bottle game with booze became a steamy night of passionate kiss. Since then, everything changed and things between us started to fall apart. It complicated things between us. I was scared of losing him as a friend.

He confessed to me his true feelings for me. It all got messed up because he's more like a best friend to me and I'm a total train wreck at that time.

We graduated and we went on our own way. We still chat from time to time. He recently told me though that he still have feelings for me. Honestly I don't know how to respond or what to say to him so I just said thank you.

I just want all the best for him and one thing I am sure of is that I'm not the best man for him for so many reasons. One is that I don't feel the same way he does for me. It breaks my heart to see him in pain or angry at me.

I don't know what else to do.