Tuesday, January 1, 2013


Cheers for my very first glass of champagne of which I had last night for New Year's Eve. And because of the bottle of champagne I nearly finished last night my first bedtime of this year has been a peaceful one. I just stayed at home for today, not a single dime spent today. Talked to a good friend of mine back in the Philippines. I finished my laundry today, had a good lunch courtesy of my sister, did the dishes and took a very warm shower. I also watched a college football game today (Capital One Bowl - Georgia vs. Nebraska). And yes, Georgia won. It was a very exciting game. I still have a lot to learn about American Football but I'm starting to get a grasp of the game's concept. Touchdown!

Today is the last day of my last long weekend. I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm back on my afternoon schedule from 10:30am - 9:00pm. I still have my fingers crossed for my application for a new position at work. Actually, I applied for several positions at work. I'm trying to seek for a career growth at my work. I like my job right now but its not something that I want to do forever. I don't want to get stuck on the same job and some pay raise would help a lot on my finances.

I miss my homeland. I've been away for about a year now and I really want to go home. So this year I am planning to celebrate Christmas and New Year in the Philippines. I will start saving money for my plane ticket and other expenses going home.

I've been living here at my sister's house for almost a year and it is really good that I don't need to pay for rent and any other bills aside for my phone bill. It gives me an opportunity to send enough money for my mom's medical needs and other needs as well. Hopefully sometime this year I can find a place to live near my work and start a life on my own.

Another thing I need to do this year is to learn how to drive. I miss using the public transportation but I live now in a place where public transportation is no good so I have no other choice but to learn how to drive. Once I learn how to drive I will need a car so that is also something I want to take into consideration.

Overall, there's a lot of things to do and to achieve this year. I'm not sure if I'll be able to accomplish all of these goals this year but what I do know is that I can try and do my best to do so.

Monday, December 17, 2012


I never like cold weather. It makes me feel lonely. But then I'm here in a place where its cold most of the year. I can feel that we are slowly approaching the coldest part of the year - winter. I've experienced some snow twice and guess what? More to come!

I wonder if it will snow this Christmas for I haven't experienced a white Christmas. I had my mom buy a white Christmas tree. It was our first time to have at least a good Christmas tree at home for the holidays. 

I don't know how long can I take this loneliness I feel right now, but as the day goes by and as it gets colder, my loneliness is getting worst. I miss home.

Sunday, December 2, 2012


It all started around January of 2008. I was looking for a place to stay near school and work and he offered a place that's just walking distance from my school and about an hour away from work which is fine. We weren't that close yet at that time but he was nice enough to offer me that place. 

My main purpose of renting a place is to be closer to school and work although work did not went well for me so I decided to focus more on school. Aside from that, I also want to be on my own somehow at that time.

I struggled a bit on my own at first but I was able to somehow learn how to manage to be on my own at that time. My friend helped me to get through that process. Since we lived in the same house we became closer. We became good friends in spite of our differences.

I opened up to him. I told him a lot of things about myself that I prefer to keep to myself. We hangout a lot.

One night, a spin the bottle game with booze became a steamy night of passionate kiss. Since then, everything changed and things between us started to fall apart. It complicated things between us. I was scared of losing him as a friend.

He confessed to me his true feelings for me. It all got messed up because he's more like a best friend to me and I'm a total train wreck at that time.

We graduated and we went on our own way. We still chat from time to time. He recently told me though that he still have feelings for me. Honestly I don't know how to respond or what to say to him so I just said thank you.

I just want all the best for him and one thing I am sure of is that I'm not the best man for him for so many reasons. One is that I don't feel the same way he does for me. It breaks my heart to see him in pain or angry at me.

I don't know what else to do.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012


I have become a workaholic. I always signup for overtime at work. A co-worker told me once that when you come to a point wherein all you want to do is to work it will be either because you want the money or you are lonely. In my case I am both. I want the money and I am lonely.

I am not alone here. I live with my sister and my brother-in-law. I have a handful of acquaintances from work and other places but I don't have a real friend here nearby. I still have a few friends from the other side of the world, although I'm starting to think that I've already lost most of them.

I need to go on with my life and I can't do this alone.

Help me.

Sunday, November 11, 2012


This is the year wherein I left my homeland to live my 'American dream'. I've been here for about a year now but I'm still unsure whether it is really a 'dream' or a 'nightmare'. A lot people think that life is better here. One thing's for sure, I'm earning way more than what I used to earn back in the Philippines for doing the exact same job. This is one of the most common reasons on why people leave to work overseas and probably the same reason why I decided to move here. The first few months are bittersweet. I've seen a lot of new places I've haven't been before. I've experienced a lot of new things here that are worth remembering. I did not have a hard time looking for a job here. But as time goes by, I started to realized how lonely am I becoming here. Feeling lonely on a place wherein you are not alone is something I feel but I don't understand. I never had this feeling before. This feeling wherein there are a lot of people around you but none of them you can consider as a friend. Then there's this feeling of boredom for you can't just go to places where you want to go because one needs a car and one needs to learn how to drive here in order for one to go to places he wants to go. And guess what? I don't know how to drive. I wan't to learn but everyone is so busy that they don't have time to teach me and I can't afford to enroll on a driving school. There's a lot of places to go here but I don't have friends here wherein I can go out with. I feel like an outcast here. I'm here at a place where racism and prejudice prevails. People look at you as if you are a disease for you have a different color and despise you for not having an American accent. I don't feel like I belong here. I miss home. I wanna go home...

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


Tonight is my third night sleeping here in the basement. For the past few days our basement became my new haven. I don't know what came up to my mind and sleep on a couch here at the basement for three nights in a row. Our basement is very spacious. I kind of enjoyed my stay here at the basement. Its very relaxing here. 

I really hope someday I'll be able to get my own place and start to live my life on my own. A one bedroom apartment as spacious as our basement right now would be a great start. Its not just because of the money why I'm not yet moving out but one day, hopefully soon, I will.

I'm already approaching my mid-20s and its about time that I start to think and plan of my own life. I have a full-time job. I will learn and master how to drive soon, I hope. I'm not sure though if I want to stay here or move into a different state.

Our basement gave me insights of what I want for myself. Lately I've been thinking a lot about other people and I almost forgot to think about myself. Good night.

Thursday, October 11, 2012


Wear and tear. Deterioration. Obsolescence. Decrease in value. These are some of the things that comes to my mind when I think of depreciation. I learned from my Accounting class way back in high school and college that most tangible assets depreciates. But recently I've realized that even relationships, like friendship, can depreciate too. People walk in and out of our life because our value or worth decreases in time. Some will just be there for a short period of time while others will stay there for a while.

Family. As we grow old and learn how to do things on our own we slowly grow apart from our families. Most people would move out of their house once they feel that they can start to live independently. Others stay with their families but starts to explore what more the world can offer. But there are also others who sticks with their family because they still find their families valuable to their lives. For some its because of love and/or support they get from their family while for others its because their family depends on them.

I live with my sister and my brother-in-law. I support my mom's medical needs financially even if she's miles away from me right now. I love my family. They're the most precious people I have in my life right now. They're always there for me. But at my age right now I'm starting to think that I am depending to them too much as they depend on me too. There's nothing wrong with that except that I am too close to my family that it became difficult for me to gain friends and socialize.

Friends. Facebook and Twitter people are my only social life right now. I hardly go out with friends. Most of my friends are far away from me and I only have a few good friends. I like meeting new people but my life is too boring for most people because I do not have that much to share. I do not have that much experience socializing with people. They frequently say that I am too nice and prompt. I hardly can relate with the interest of people. I am a wallflower.

A wallflower treasures friendship like a diamond. I used to believe that long-distance relationship problems only occurs on romantic relationships but then I started to realize that it can also make friendship fade. You are both busy with your own lives. You may keep in touch a lot at first but when one finds a new friend, eventually they will start to get tired keeping in touch until one disappears. Just like a kid with a favorite toy, when he gets a new toy he will get tired of his old toy, regardless of how much he liked the toy at first.

So I guess all relationship depreciates, whether it is with your family or with a friend. As much as you want to keep them, one's worth for a person is as much time a person can spare for you - regardless if one is busy or not. A worthy person will find time for you regardless if one is busy or not.